Опубликовано: 21.12.2010 14:41
Автор: © Потапов
15 июля.
Наконец-то! Отдохну от этой депутатской задницы. Я чувствую, что надоело ему. Ну, то есть, он меня, конечно, не бросит – где он еще такое найдет! Но отдохнуть от меня ему надо. А уж мне от него – тем более. Последнюю неделю он так ерзал на мне, что я боялось, как бы мой благородный темно-красный ворс не протерся. А сегодня был последний день заседаний, и мужик в президиуме пожелал моему и его коллегам приятного отдыха. Подумать только – полтора месяца без этого жесткого прессинга! Нет, брюки у него, конечно, дорогие – приятно, когда на тебя в таких садятся. Но 115 кг есть 115 кг, и хотя я сделано из прочных натуральных материалов, все равно тяжело.
2 августа.
Пульт для голосования сказал, что нас выбросят. А вместо нас поставят новые кресла – зеленые и мягкие. Что за идиотские идеи! Мягкие кресла! Да на что они годны!? Да им лишь бы прогнуться под какой-нибудь задницей! Я, между прочим, заслуженное. Уже второй созыв работаю. И потом, я же узкий специалист, меня нельзя перетащить в кабинет или, к примеру, выставить в коридоре! Я умею работать только в парламентском зале!
Не выдержало, спросило у наушника. Тот обещал послушать и все узнать.
4 августа.
Все-таки, пульт для голосования — козел. Это его выбросят, а кресла оставят. И правильно – нечего нервы трепать. Наушник все разузнал. Поставят новые пульты, с цветными экранами и широко расставленными кнопками – чтобы мой не мог голосовать одной рукой. Это хорошо – не будет дергаться и подскакивать, когда тянется проголосовать за соседа.
12 августа.
Какой облом! У нового пульта, как оказалось, кнопки недостаточно широко расставлены – при проверке электрик дотянулся до обеих кнопок одной рукой. Поэтому новые пульты ставить не будут. Что ж, старый пульт, конечно, козел, но я к нему уже привыкло. Мой на него опирается, и тогда мне немного легче.
1 сентября.
Мой приперся. От него пахнет морем и ананасами. Спросило брюки, где они были. Брюки ответили, что – в шкафу. Мой таки порядочная сволочь. Мог бы и эти брюки на курорт свозить, они все-таки заслужили… Ой, блин!!! Как я привыкло к тишине! А тут все пульты разом как урежут гимн! Мой аж подскочил. Слов не помнит, но рот открывает. Интересно, каково быть крутящимся стульчиком возле пианино?..
2 сентября.
Мой сегодня целый день, не вставая, жал кнопки на пульте для голосования. Сходил бы, что ли, размялся. И я бы размялось заодно. После обеда уронил на меня 100 баксов. Они зеленые. Было неприятно – красный с зеленым не сочетаются, это вам любой дизайнер мебели скажет. Кто-то это понял и забрал 100 баксов. Спасибо ему. Мой почему-то очень расстроился. Стучал сиденьем и матерился. Было немножко больно, но зато я увидело его лицо очень близко – он лазил на карачках и искал свои поганые баксы. Один раз даже прислонился щекой к моему благородному темно-красному ворсу. Так и не нашел, и со злости чуть не сломал мне сиденье. Как будто я виновато, что у него нет художественного вкуса, и он роняет зеленые баксы на мой благородный темно-красный…
8 сентября.
Мой пришел сегодня дико довольный. Я сначала подумало, что он свои баксы нашел. Но нет, все гораздо хуже. Кому-то шептал по мобильнику, что его, возможно, пересадят в министерское кресло. Представляете!? Не стесняясь меня!
Нет, я, конечно, понимаю, оно молодое, высокое. Черная глянцевая мягкая кожа, регулируемый наклон спинки… Тут не только мой – тут любой бы слюнки пустил. Но, черт возьми, обидно же! А как же я!? Куда мне деваться? А если на меня после него какого-нибудь Звягильского посадят!? Боже, ну почему я не родилось скамьей подсудимых? Задницы те же, зато хоть моральное удовлетворение получаешь…
11 сентября.
Мой – злой, как черт, сиденьем стучит, словно телеграфным ключом. Наушник сказал, что министерское кресло его продинамило. Так ему и надо, нечего на эксклюзив заглядываться. Злорадствую.
16 сентября.
Боже мой, что он сегодня ел!? И как ему не стыдно демонстрировать так откровенно свое ко мне отношение? Поди теперь докажи, что это не мой запах. Ну да ладно. Вон, брюкам намного хуже.
17 сентября.
Почему такой шум!? Стучат, гремят, мегафоны притащили. Они что – на митинге!? Вандалы, никакого уважения к государственному учреждению. В щель пульта для голосования напихали скрепок и налили клея ПВА. Он, кажется, умер. Жаль, хоть и козел был, но мне его будет не хватать. А вот что наушник оторвали – это очень обидно. Он был ко мне привязан и делился всеми секретами… Ой, что это? На меня встали ногами!? Какого черта!? Идиот, ты этими ботинками в туалет ходил, а я знаю, какая грязь в парламентских туалетах! Мне брюки рассказывали! Господи, да лучше бы я было раскрашенным стульчиком в детском садике!
18 сентября.
Не дали отдохнуть. Ночью я обычно отдыхаю. А в этот раз они почему-то остались в Зале на ночь. Еще и плакаты развесили. Какой-то хмырь уселся на меня, пользуясь отсутствием моего, и просидел всю ночь.
24 сентября.
Мой на выездном заседании. Полетел самолетом. Говорят, в самолетах мягкие кресла с откидными спинками. Немного ревную.
Какая-то дама села на меня. Странные ощущения. Удивительные ощущения! Она мягкая. И приятно пахнет. По крайней мере, поначалу. И она гораздо легче моего.
25 сентября.
В меня воткнули новый наушник. Пока молчит. Я с ним потом познакомлюсь. Привезли из реанимации пульт для голосования. А мне не до них. Думаю о вчерашней даме. Пусть она опять на меня сядет. Помимо всего прочего, ткань ее платья светлая, и приятнее, чем брюки моего. Он, кстати, все еще на выездном. Пусть подольше не приезжает.
26 сентября.
Я в депрессии. Я в полном отчаянии. Думало, у меня с ней может что-то получиться. Тем более, что она сегодня опять на меня села. Я прямо сомлело от счастья. Но она кому-то сказала, что в гробу видала и депутатские кресла, и министерские. И что даже кресло премьер-министра согласна разве что терпеть. Боже, боже, ну почему я не сиденье в электричке!? Там грязно и холодно, однако каждый, кто на тебя сядет, проникается к тебе теплым чувством, а не презрением!
Балованная Галя! Она говорит, что ее устроит разве что кресло президента. Ну, это все равно, как если бы я мечтало, чтобы на меня сел Майкл Джексон! Кто это, кстати?
27 сентября.
Мой вернулся из командировки. Задницу отъел – мама не горюй. Ладно, народный избранник. Садись. Суй карточку. Жми кнопки. Когда-нибудь ты отсюда вылетишь, а я останусь. Вы, люди, меняетесь, а мы, кресла – остаемся.
© Потапов
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